warm words

by - March 07, 2020

in all honesty, i hope you found the peace you were looking for even when everything of you is at war with everything you could not understand. back then, we thought hurting in each other's comfort would at least lessen the pain. but each blade bled us differently and they bled us dry of the love that we had for each other and we ended up with hatred twice its amount. you, with your silenced weep; me, with my piteous bawl; grieving for the things we have had and the things we could have had.

it was different when hope was involved. it didnt feel as drowning, and helpless, and hopeless. rather it felt like there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel. and when this is all over, i wouldnt even have to run towards the light as it would pull me out instead. but this is already over and there is a tunnel but with no lights and no end and no pull. and i was left with no hope and no will to live no more.

ampunkan diri ini yang masih mengenal dunia, yang jahil tentang beza taranya harapan dan ketentuan, yang buta pada apa yang ada dan kerap mengemis untuk yang tiada. 

nafas ditarik tak bermakna hidup, dan hidup tak bermakna ia dinikmati.

aku tak pernah sayang diri
bukannya tak simpati
cumanya tak ada hati
nak ajar hargai.

// zahra.

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