my friend told me that i am too nice for my own good. that one day i'm just gonna get hurt from all the kindness i've been giving away cause at some point, people are gonna be taking 'em for granted and i am gonna be left with nothing. 

i know that. 

in fact, i kinda welcomed it cause like i said, i'm not worth for anything more.

though recently i've been sick and annoyed about almost everything going on in my life. 

i've been pleasing people, catering to their needs, with lengths that i would never go to if it was for myself and i felt like, that would be it. it got to stop.

so i started off with deciding what i wanted to pursue for my degree. i was stuck in between my need to please my family and my passion in arts. i'd do anything for my family tbh but i've been living my life with my family dictating me with what i can and not do and as much as my friends keep telling me that i should be grateful cause they're looking out for me, i felt like i've been molded to always be up to par with their own expectations and i am sick and done of never getting to be satisfied with my achievements, no matter how big, just because it was not enough, for them.

what's a dean's list if it's not a four flat, per say.

so i'm dictating my life now. gonna be pursuing literature for degree this september, gonna be joining festivals and theatre, writing sappy sad poetry and stuffs like that. heh.

we all gotta start somewhere.